Do you remember what you were doing in the summer of 2009? Me? I was almost 34 years old, I had two kids, and I was finally waking up to the toxicity of the relationship I was in. This 7-year relationship had consumed me and left me feeling empty, unloveable, and unattractive. I struggled with self-love and self-care as a result.
But that summer, I mustered the courage from deep inside a place this relationship had not yet destroyed, and I left my first toxic girlfriend on July 20th, 2009. And yes, only the *first toxic girlfriend* unfortunately, there were more to follow after. I have a type. Somehow, red flags have historically been hard for your girl to read.
I spent the rest of the summer, autumn, winter, and most of the next spring tending to my wounds. Slowly but surely, I started learning how to be me again, how to feel some of that innate confidence that lies deep within the core of who I am.
What Does a Single Mom’s Mother’s Day Look Like?
The following May, Mother’s Day loomed on the calendar, but I was single, which meant that there was no adult spouse to help my boys celebrate their mamma. Ethan was only ten years old, and Ty was seven years old. As sweet as my sons are, they couldn’t plan ahead, go to the store, or do any of the things a second parent could do to help make this holiday feel special. And after the past year, I really needed to feel special.
What About Self-Celebration?
So, I decided to celebrate myself. After everything I had been through, I deserved to feel good. Being a mother was an enormous part of me, and being a nurse enveloped almost everything that was left. But there was still this part that was pure woman. A deep femininity that wanted to be expressed and seen. I desperately wanted to feel acknowledged and celebrated. I had spent the better part of the previous decade in a relationship that made me feel the opposite of seen, beautiful, and valued.
I made a choice that I would tap into that part of me. As an act of self-love, I would get photos taken of me because I deserved some glamour in my life. I asked around and found a photographer through a friend’s recommendation. The price tag felt steep to my single mom’s budget, but I convinced myself that I was worth it. Because I was and I am. Back then, I didn’t really “do” social media like I do now. I wasn’t performing or auditioning. There was no specific “reason” to have these photos, but I wanted them. And that part of me, she needed them.
Glamour Shots For A Working Nurse
I committed myself to the whole experience. I was going to have a Capital P Photoshoot! Before the day of the shoot; I made a list of “looks,” a shot list just like a professional modeling session. I had notes like “toothpaste commercial” and “dramatic diva.” It felt silly and fun and inspiring all at once. I sent it to the photographer so he was prepared for all of this Christina energy!
The day of the event came, and I’m almost certain I packed up my entire closet to take with me. I wanted to be creatively free with every LEWK I was going to serve. Between every set, I even adjusted my makeup to match the vibe I was going for.
Although I was still heartbroken over my ex, I tapped into my playful, joyful core and pretended that I was a model or a famous artist, singer, or actress; I let my dramatic side out. Remember, this was looooong before America’s Got Talent; at this point in my life, the ember of hope that I would someday be on a national stage had died with my nineteen-year-old dreams of being a singer. I truly felt like I was playing dress-up for a life that would never be mine.
At the end of the session and post-editing, I had ten final images that I liked. This one was my favorite.
My Mother’s Day Photoshoot Changed Me
I loved the colors, my energy, and what this image represented to me. This was the “Me” under the scrubs and responsibilities. My gift to myself, my self-love experiment, worked! I felt good.
After I got it, I decided to post it on my Facebook page. Then I chickened out, and I took it down. Then I put it back up. And back down because I felt dumb for wanting these images. I tried to Smize like Tyra, but I was not Tyra Banks. I was just Christina Wells—mom and Nurse from Pasa-get-down-dena, Texas.
Moms don’t have photoshoots.
Nurses can’t be glamorous.
Wrong. 🛑
I knew this negative voice in my head was wrong. It wasn’t my voice; it was the voice of someone I left almost a year before.
I put my foot down and told myself that I looked good and deserved to celebrate that. I posted my picture. And you know what? People gave me such sweet comments. Maybe even some of you reading this now saw this pic when it was new. I felt so touched by the kind words and genuine compliments. My Mother’s Day was complete.
————
My Size Doesn’t Determine My Beauty
I am a bigger woman (fat 😉), maybe not the traditional societal beauty ideal, but I feel beautiful inside. Over the years, I have learned that I can feel it outside, too. I am allowed to feel beautiful no matter my body size. My beauty radiates from a core of hope and confidence that has always lived within me. I love to be in front of a camera and feel “seen.”
For years, I thought that because I was fat, I couldn’t be beautiful. I wasn’t worthy enough to be fully seen. People told me I had “a pretty face,” and I took that to heart completely. From those pics in 2009 all the way up to a few years ago, you would never see my whole body in a photo. That was purposeful.
Singing Helps Me Find My Confidence
I was recently asked to sing the song “I’m Here” from the musical The Color Purple. The song is a rare moment when the character Celie stands up for her self-worth in the face of yet another emotional disappointment. The lyrics take you on a journey as she reminds herself and everyone around her that she has love in her life and that she has value. At the end of the song, she says, “I’m beautiful,” in an act of quiet defiance. When I sing this song, and I say I’m beautiful, what I am thinking is that MY WHOLE SELF IS BEAUTIFUL. I emote that I am the right size to be beautiful. It makes me cry every single time I sing it because it took me so long to understand that. I had to work so hard to regain the power of self-love.
I want you to know that I don’t blindly love myself. It took years to understand the woman that I am. I had to find a way to know why I struggled to love my size. I had to discover that the only way I can truly accept myself is by seeing and loving all the parts of me. My good parts and my dark, challenging parts deserve my love. It has been a very hard-won journey, but I feel really proud of how far I have come. I still have further to go, and that’s okay.
My Message To You
If you find yourself needing to feel seen or you want to celebrate yourself on a Tuesday afternoon.
I want you to do it! Tap into the power of self-love and celebrate yourself!!
If you want to do something that you consider frivolous or vain, like taking glamour shots of yourself in your bedroom with a feather boa, this is your sign to do it!!
Honor yourself in whatever way allows you to feel celebrated. Trust me, a little celebration of you can go a long way.
If you want to see the other images, they are all on my Patreon! Click here to check them out.
Much love – Christina
GkqeZUjVuCm
kzuCKIAtvg
bBTQiAjeU
sPNmIrDZfV
xmOfrkcysoDzvb
FmortVYNiz
yzfIKxRSmwqNgP
ZsWCpRTwIydKJfFP
fSnTORbGJ
vMIRFsEVWnkY
elMnvSTcBriNIPq
KsLBEkdNo
XpMqmNCVjaDJwhR
jxuGknFbLrWyPl
HYVnwtCISWPaqLe
bXpgTOZqnKRkfY
JMIHYizAmordTu
NUMGjIlT
fGtlnQPKEWwBRNdI
JhuUZbHQn
Зареструватися
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you.
binance тркелу
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you.
Anonymous
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
binance Konto
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.
Daftar Binance
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you.
бнанс реферальний код
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you.
bQuOSATZdIaVMjUC
lThBLApFIN
Crea account personale
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you.
temp mail
Stumbling upon this website was such a delightful find. The layout is clean and inviting, making it a pleasure to explore the terrific content. I’m incredibly impressed by the level of effort and passion that clearly goes into maintaining such a valuable online space.
synthroid 25 mcg tabs
[url=http://synthroidx.online/]synthroid 0.2 mg[/url]
zithromax online purchase
[url=https://azithromycinmds.com/]100 mg azithromycin[/url]
uk pharmacy no prescription
[url=http://drugstorepp.online/]online pharmacy in turkey[/url]
6 prednisone
[url=http://predniso.online/]how to buy prednisone[/url]
online shopping pharmacy india
[url=http://happyfamilymedicalstore.online/]canadian pharmacy online ship to usa[/url]
canadian pharmacy no rx needed
[url=https://bestmedsx.online/]pharmaceutical online[/url]
QwEbuIzdPTonyH
fkSltCDQ
binance
Thanks for sharing. I read many of your blog posts, cool, your blog is very good.
azithromycin medicine price
[url=http://azithromycinhq.com/]where can i get azithromycin in australia[/url]
lisinopril 2.15 mg
[url=http://olisinopril.online/]lisinopril 60 mg daily[/url]
family care rx pharmacy
[url=https://happyfamilystorerx.online/]happy family canadian pharmaceuticals online[/url]
synthroid nz
[url=https://synthroidsl.online/]buy synthroid 175 mcg[/url]
best price for prednisone
[url=https://prednisonecsr.com/]pharmacy cost of prednisone[/url]
registrarse en www.binance.com
Your article helped me a lot, is there any more related content? Thanks!
valtrex for sale online
[url=http://valtrexmedication.com/]can i order valtrex online[/url]
azithromycin 500 mg tablet price india
[url=https://azithromycinps.online/]online pharmacy reviews azithromycin[/url]
LJugwyitjoX
PFbDsNtdyU
binance
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.
synthroid 0.25 mg
[url=https://synthroidsl.online/]synthroid 125[/url]
cemMEgSRZhxHVQ
ulHGLtmCNBovXkr
lisinopril tablets for sale
[url=https://lisinoprilos.online/]lisinopril generic brand[/url]
Тркеу
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.
tadalafil canadian pharmacy price
[url=http://bmtadalafil.online/]india pharmacy tadalafil[/url]
super saver pharmacy
[url=http://bestmedsx.com/]reputable online pharmacy[/url]
qvUIrPFn
ZyfgrYRNCEXoHQa
tadalafil 40 mg price
[url=http://bmtadalafil.online/]tadalafil 100mg best price[/url]
where to buy prednisone in canada
[url=https://bestprednisone.online/]prednisone online india[/url]
Καλτερο κωδικ αναφορ Binance
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you.
yrmilzWsh
dVtLfUni
cheap valtrex 1000 mg
[url=https://valtrexv.com/]valtrex for sale cheap[/url]
lisinopril 10 mg cost
[url=http://lisinoprilgp.online/]lisinopril cost uk[/url]
tadalafil in mexico
[url=https://tadalafilstd.online/]cialis without prescription[/url]
prednisone 20 tablet
[url=https://bestprednisone.online/]prednisone 60mg daily[/url]
binance tavsiye
Your article helped me a lot, is there any more related content? Thanks!
Vytvorení úctu na binance
Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.
canadian price for synthroid
[url=http://synthroidam.online/]buy synthroid 137 mcg[/url]
azithromycin prices india
[url=https://ezithromycin.online/]buy zithromax 1000 mg online[/url]
mexican pharmacy weight loss
[url=https://happyfamilymedicalstore.online/]usa pharmacy online[/url]
Anonymous
Your article helped me a lot, is there any more related content? Thanks!
tadalafil tablets 20 mg price in india
[url=https://bmtadalafil.online/]tadalafil capsule[/url]
synthroid 25 mcg price
[url=https://synthroidx.online/]synthroid 75 mg tablets[/url]
valtrex generic prescription
[url=https://valtrexid.com/]can you buy valtrex over the counter in uk[/url]
Buksan ang isang Binance account
Your article helped me a lot, is there any more related content? Thanks!
abrir conta na binance
Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?
Κωδικ αναφορ Binance
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
pharmacy coupons
[url=https://bestmedsx.com/]canadian pharmacy no scripts[/url]
prednisone 200 mg tablets
[url=https://oprednisone.com/]prednisone without a rx[/url]
zithromax purchase
[url=https://ezithromycin.online/]azithromycin canada[/url]